I don’t have many friends.

Yeah yeah, protest if you must. I know (and like) a lot of interesting people. I get good traffic to my blogs. I have more than 300 friends on Facebook.  By social media standards, I’m actually popular!

But in real life, I’m a one friend at a time kind of girl.  I don’t go to brunch with a gaggle of cackling women. I don’t do dinner parties.  I have coffee with Michael. I grab lunch with John. I text back and forth with Andrew.

I hate letting people go.  Several of my friends have been in my life for more than 20 years.

When I die, I hope they all show up – the four or five or six people who meant the most to me. Most will be meeting for the first time. And one of them (probably Maureen, because she’s the smartest) will say “What I remember most about Ann is that, when it counted, in the clutch, she was there.  She always had my back, no matter what.”

I used to think there was something wrong with me. I wanted to be a part of something, a cog in a wheel. But this is who I am, this is how I relate. If you’ve made it to my inner circle, you should know that I love you more than words can express. I would move worlds for you.

All of that means I take it pretty hard when I think I might lose someone I love. Someone I expected would be with me til the end.

Please hang in there, friend. I’ve still got your back. I always will.