“If you get a second, google ‘Roger Ebert’s New Face.'”
As usual, Dave’s suggestion piqued my curiosity.
Roger Ebert, whose jaw was removed during cancer surgery in 2006, will wear a prosthesis on his upcoming PBS show, Ebert Presents at the Movies.
This got my attention, since I’ve been wearing a prosthesis for almost a year, following a mastectomy.
Ebert’s prosthesis was painstakingly crafted out of soft silicone based on photographs and a sculpture of Ebert that a friend made in art school.
I bought mine at Nordstrom.
It’s not widely known that Nordstrom is the place to go when you’re in the market for a breast prosthesis. I tell everyone I know for this reason: Nordstrom will add a pocket (used to hold a breast prosthesis) to any bra or swimsuit in the store for free. And that rocks.
In his column, which appeared on the Chicago Sun-Times site on Wednesday, Ebert writes, “At the beginning of this process I assumed I would wear the new prosthesis whenever I left the house, so that ‘nobody would know.'”
I also felt sure that I would wear my prosthesis every day, but I don’t. For starters, it’s heavy and hot. But more importantly, it’s not for me. It’s for other people.
Shortly after I got my prosthesis, some of the girls at Pilates asked why I didn’t wear it to class. “Well, it’s kind of annoying to get it out of one bra and into another, especially in the locker room,” I said.
One woman asked, “Why don’t you just get an extra and keep it in your sports bra?” She nearly fell over when I explained that my prosthesis cost over $400.
At this point, I pretty much wear my prosthesis when I have a work meeting, or if I’m dressed up, because dressy clothes make the unevenness more obvious. Grocery store? Not so much.
Ebert also writes, “I will wear the prosthesis…not to fool anyone, because my appearance is widely known. It will…be a pleasant reminder of the person I was for 64 years.”
I only had 33 years on earth with two breasts, but that’s okay. They did their job. They helped me grow my son from a scrawny newborn to a pudgy one year old.
One day, maybe I’ll have reconstructive surgery and get the best boobs money can buy. Then I can use this crazy prosthesis for a doorstop.
It would make quite the conversation piece.